Monday, March 3, 2014

One of the most important people in my life

Grace is one of the influential people in my life. I have known her over six years since I joined her church group. She has influenced me for several ways.First, she plays an important role in my career choice, when I am confronted with job change. Second, she taught me a lot of working skills such as how to coordinate、learning skill and how to be a team leader, when we hold church activities together. Third, she is my spiritual teacher. I learned how to strike balance in normal life and church life by observing her. Although She is a career woman, she is willing to take care of the needs of church. She spends time to do church affairs, shepherd young sisters and preaches gospel to her colleagues. I expect myself to follow her value of life.


  1. Congratulations Zoe on your first essay! Here are some suggestions:

    -Grace is one of the "most" influential people....When we try to emphasize how rare, how precious, how influential (in this case) a person or an item is, we use "one of the (superlative). For example, one of the richest men on earth, one of the highest buildings in the world.
    -I have known her for over six years. "....have known xxx for ..."
    -She has influenced me "in" several ways.
    -First "of all", or else it sounds very stiff and pointed.
    -Tense problem. You should decide if you want to write these points in the past tense or the present. Your "First" and "Second" are in different tenses.

  2. Minor stuff (mostly the S's and non-English expression):
    -job changes
    -She taught me a lot of "work skills"
    -Not sure what you mean by "learning skill"?, and in English there's no "、", we use commas to separate items in a sentence.
    -I learned how to strike...(Use I've learned, not I learned...) (Use balance, instead of strike balance, plus it's strike "a" balance, but that's not really English anyways) *I've learned how to balance....*
    -She spends time "doing".. (you're spending time/money "Verb-ing" something, not "to Verb something" (it means it hasn't really happened yet)
    -She spends time "taking care" instead of doing. This is just my personal preference. Doing makes it sound like a chore.
    -..."taking care" of church affairs, "shephering"....and "preaching" "the" gospel...
    -The last sentence sounded "rough" or stern. It sounded like a boss saying "I expect to have that article on my desk by 2 p.m.!" Maybe you could say something like, "I hope I can follow her sense of value." or "I hope to follow her pattern and her life values."

    Sam will have to take care of more the flow and grammatical part of the essay.

  3. Sorry, Zoe, I hope you have a strong heart. It's very difficult to see your article to be torn into pieces....But! This is necessary if you want to learn, so hang in there. <>

  4. This is what I want to learn, but it is hard to learn from linc class.( Eng. class), thank you for ur precious time

  5. 1.If I dont like reader feel stiff and pointed, but I do want to learn how to use " transition"?(Instead of "first of all, second"...T
    2.I will fine time to rewrite...:)